On today's show
by Larka18
Summary: The Robin Hood gang go to finally sort out their problems, seeking help from the great Jeremy Kyle. nice R&R's please!
1. Introducing

"Today we are joined by six outlaws and three nobles, from 1192." Jeremy Kyle gave a slightly dubious look into the camera, as he introduced the audience to today's topic, "Each one with they're own problems, although each of them all coming back to relationships, and problems with each other." Jeremy swallowed, an aggravated sigh escaping him, as he knew how hard today's episode would be. "Anyway, let's welcome on our first guest for today, he's the leader of a gang of outlaws, who steal from the rich and give to the poor. Please welcome Robin 'golden balls' Hood!" The audience clapped as they watched the little archway where everyone expected Robin to emerge from, although when no one came the applause faded slightly. Then a fanfare of trumpets cut through the dying silence and gasps emerged as from the lighting rig swung none other then himself; Robin Hood. Using his bow he almost flew across the studio, before dropping landing directly in the blue armchair. Upon his face was slapped the biggest smug smile ever seen this side of ITV. Robin dipped his head in thanks to the rapturous applause he was receiving. Jeremy, ever so slightly disgruntled by the fact that Robin was receiving much more attention than he was, he turned to Robin, a scowl already placed upon his features and his arms were firmly crossed over his chest. "So Robin. Do tell us all why you're here."

"No idea Jeremy." Jeremy's face became slightly shocked, as his brow furrowed with some confusion also. "You don't know why you applied to come on this show?"

"Nope. I just received this letter telling me some poor peasants needed rescuing from one of the Sheriff's plans, and so here I am, although I cannot see any peasants." Robin twisted his head in vain, trying to spot a medieval peasant, when someone in the audience caught his eye. "Aha!" He cried leaping from his chair he ran into the audience grabbing a woman wearing very dull clothing. "I have saved you peasant! The sheriff shall not take your babies!"

"Robin, that's not peasant."

"It's not?" Robin's hand was still held tightly around the terrified woman's arm. Jeremy shook his head, "No, it's just a woman with very bad fashion sense." Robins face dropped as he let go of her, making his way a little thoughtfully back to his chair. He stroked his stubbly chin in thought for a moment, before looking back to Jeremy, a look of slight epiphany on his features. "So this was all a trick to get me into your blue room?" Jeremy ran an exasperated hand over his face. "Obviously." He grumbled. "Anyhow, I believe that you have a few relationship issues, and that is the reason you're here." Robin nodded softly, "So, how was your childhood?"

"It was good Jeremy thank you, and how was your childhood?" Jeremy was slightly taken a back, "My childhood?" Robin nodded, "Well, it was alright I suppose…."

"And how did that make you feel?" Robin began leaning forward as if interested in what Jeremy had to say. Jeremy was about to answer when it dawned on him; Robin was trying to steal all the limelight from him. "Hey, stop trying to steal my show!"

"Yeah Hood! Stop trying to take over all the time!" The voice boomed from the leather-clad man who now had suddenly appeared on stage. Jeremy gave another aggravated sigh, "Sir Guy, will you please remain from the main studio until you are introduced."

"But why do I have to come on after this goody two shoes?"

Jeremy just signalled to the security guys who 'escorted' Gisbourne from the stage. "I think it's time we took a break, in the next half we meet the other outlaws, to discuss how their problems have affected Robin."


	2. Next we have

"So, we've met Robin, but who is the woman behind the man? Let's bring out our next guest the ever lovely Lady Marian of Knighton!" The music played and out walked Marian holding a large sword which she jumped onto a few times, repeatedly stabbing herself and showing that she was immune to death. Before witting down in the chair beside Robins. "Good afternoon Marian."

"Afternoon Jeremy."

"So what brings you to the show today?"

"A letter, telling me I would meet one of my admirers here." She flashed a winning smile at the audience and flicked her dark hair about. "So you didn't organise this?" Jeremy questioned, still confused." Marian shook her head.

"Marian! My love!" Sir Guy had appeared on stage once again down on one knee declaring his love once more. Jeremy motioned for the security to take him offstage once more. "So Marian," Jeremy began once again, "You an Robin have been in a long term relationship for many years now right?" She nodded confirming what Jeremy asked, "Although yet you have continued to 'die' only to return from the dead, how do you think this may have affected Robin?"

"Well I would have thought my coming back to life, and being immune to death would be consolation enough, for his sadness at my death." Marian stated. She had failed yet to notice Robin's gob-smacked face. "How did it make you feel Robin?" Jeremy looked to him when he didn't receive an answer, "Robin? Robin!" He shouted beginning to get angry, as he usually did. Robin faced Jeremy at his little outburst, "But, she, Marian, dead…alive?!" He blithered, Jeremy's head turned slowly to Marian, "You didn't tell him you came back to life again?"

"Well this time it was a bigger sword wound, I took longer to return to life, not to mention having to dig myself out of the sand grave. I thought he'd realised I'm immune to death after the first time." Marian folded her arms and inclined her head away from Robins. "Besides, after he left me for five years, I felt he should pay. I mean he left _me_ alone, to go and fight a_ war_ that wasn't even his to fight!"

"Well I'm sorry, but I'm not the one who failed to mention I could come back to life!" Robin shouted enraged at Marian once again. "Marian! I would never leave you for a war!" Gisbourne was back on stage and Jeremy was once again getting more and more irate, "Guy! Will you please remain off stage until called!!" He was once again 'escorted' from the studio and back to the green room. "Yes well you've only ever wanted the glory! Never caring how it affected anyone else, only how everyone would love_ you_!" Marian retorted, "Oh excuse me, but I didn't play with fire by ignoring everything I was being told, resulting in being killed, _twice_!!"

"Well at least I cared about also getting information from the inside, if I didn't you'd probably be dead by now!"

"Yes but all you cared about truly was your appearance, and your father who generally looked like a mole, and was a massive hindrance!"

"I'm not listening to this."

"You know what else, the fact I went to war taught me a lot, and helped me help people more than you who almost got us killed when becoming an outlaw, mainly by rushing into a fight before thinking, and not to mention the fact you wore turquoise! I mean are you wise?! How un-camouflage can you be?!" Marian huffed slightly before standing. She walked over to Robin and punched him straight in the face. "Cut to commercial!" Jeremy shouted as a fight ensued.


End file.
